From Panic to Peace

"If you take a problem, turn it into prayer, God promises peace." Pastor Todd Mullins, Lead Pastor Christ Fellowship

Normally, when you find out you are having a baby you're trying, so when the pregnancy test turns into a positive you're elated, you're excited for the test to be that result. Maybe you've spent months trying, maybe you've spent hundreds of dollars on ovulation tests & pregnancy tests, tried every position, listened to your great aunt's advice on what worked for her back in the day. 

You're usually ecstatic. 

But for me, this test....brought me to my knees in tears, not in a great way. I saw those pink lines, those positive signs, the word "pregnant" and I felt an instant anxiety attack.

I have three kids. My baby is just 1. We don't have an extra room. Where will this baby sleep? 

I just lost all the baby weight. I don't want to gain weight again. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I don't want _____.

I was back to the selfish attitude. I felt like I had already sacrificed and I had come to terms with that, and now God was asking me to do this all over again. 

My heart was heavy. My mind was everywhere.  But all I could do was continue being mom to my three kids and keep planning Hayden's first birthday party we were celebrating that weekend.

So that's what I did for 2.5 days. Until I walked into church Saturday night and I could finally be Brittanie. I could finally allow my emotions run, my heart feel, my soul cry out to God about this next chapter in our life. With my husband beside me, I wept. 

I raised my hands, I surrendered my heart, I gave up my panic, my stress, my anxiety and I asked God to just help me see what He needed, what He wanted, and who He needed me to be. 

I cried. I mean bawling in the worship session. and it felt AMAZING. As weird as it is to explain, I felt like i was right in God's arms and He was telling me: "Child, what I have for you is so much greater than anything you could think of. I have a child who needs you, loves you and you will raise, I have another child I trust you with." 

It was a surreal feeling. 

Then Pastor Todd took the stage and started to share in sermon with us for the night. That sermon was all about PRAYER. PANIC. PEACE. and it was exactly the sermon our hearts needed to hear. 

I had been in panic and anxiety mode for 2.5 days because I hadn't been able to take a moment and HEAR HIS VOICE to hear His words calm my heart and remind me of my purpose, His plan for my life and His promise not to give me more than I could handle. 

I prayed. I prayed for Him to take my panic. 

I turned my problem into a prayer and I left with a feeling of peace.

In 2015, I went through a very spiritual year of growth....a year of surrendering my vision of what my life was going to look like and was obedient. And during that year, I remember writing down "and who knows maybe this  obedience isn't about this baby, but another baby" and part of me knew, God wasn't done with our family with Hayden, but I was terrified to believe He needed more of me, from me but most of all I didn't believe He HAD MORE FOR ME. 

But today, I'm thankful for that obedience in 2015 because it has brought us Hayden, our family closer and I feel every day, more purposeful because I know I am right where God has me. 

I turned my panic into prayer and God gave me peace. 

Philippians 4:6-7 

 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

(thoughts from August 12)

Telling Matthew! <3

Telling Matthew has always (yes twice before!) been one of my favorite parts about finding out I was pregnant....I had always thought I would share the news in these grand ways but with the last two I took the pregnancy tests so early in the morning that my plans couldnt wait the 24 hours to put together and I had to wake him up with the news. 

then get mad that he wasn't showing more excitement!! poor guy! 

But this time was different. I was just waiting for him to walk through the day, even more than a normal day. Let's be real, being home with 3 kids all day, we all wait for daddy to walk in the door! 

When we were at Target I picked up a Superman T-shirt and a Card for him. I got home and placed those items in a bag + 3 positive pregnancy tests in a ziploc baggie and left it on the counter. As soon as he got home I told him the kid have a gift for you. 

Here is he response to the evidence in the bag ;)

Uploaded by Brittanie Wright on 2017-08-26.

Two Big Family Milestones

We had just come home from a 3.5 week trip to Michigan where the kids and I spent so much time visiting friends and family! 

My entire family is up in Michigan as well as my husbands so we are the loners down here in South Florida. I am thankful that I am a work from home mom and during these summer months when the kids aren't in school and we need a change of pace, we are financially and time wise able to pick up life and go make memories with our loved ones. 

Wednesday, August 9, was the day we left Michigan and flew home, I hadn't felt that great but figured it was due to poor nutrition, a few too many good craft beers (when in beer city!), and lack of adequate sleep  while traveling with two kids and a baby! We got home late night and we all crashed. 

I woke up Thursday August 10 -- my baby girls -- first birthday. A day of celebration, a day I was dreading because I couldn't believe the little girl who has changed my life forever, was hitting such a huge milestone in her life. I couldn't believe my baby went from baby to toddler in a matter of what felt like minutes. It was this day full of emotion already that, that my life would change AGAIN in a huge way. 

I woke up and felt off again, I just felt dizzy, queasy and not myself. 

"No way, I can't be pregnant. This isn't happening.....I have to take a test"

I found a test in the back of the downstairs bathroom cabinet, I took it without even thinking it could possibly come back positive. I took the test with 3 kids running around at 11 am on a Thursday morning. 

One line showed up. I sighed a bit of relief. 

I tended to one of the kids (i already can't remember who it was!) and ran back into the bathroom to check on the stick....and there it was. 

a faint second pink line. 

my heart began to race, my palms got sweaty, I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. I panicked and called my friend Leanne...."you're never going to believe this, I can't believe this" I said this over and over again.....and then I sent a picture to her and she confirmed she saw the faint pink line as well. 

I was shaking, I wasn't quite sure what to think or feel. So I did what anyone women would do when trying to really figure out if that stick is right or not, I packed up the 3 kids, some snacks, and drove to Target to get my trusty Clearblue Pregnancy Tests in the double box....you know the ones that say PREGNANT and NOT PREGNANT....It's a pregnancy stick for dummies! 

I remember strolling through the store with the kids in the cart, two four year olds and a brand new 1 year old toddler....and here I was buying pregnancy tests. All I could think about was what others were thinking of me and I don't want to get fat again! 

Bought the tests, made it home, explained to the kids I had to go to the bathroom as soon as we got home. And that I did....I ran right into the bathroom and peed on both sticks at the same time. Before they even made it to the counter, they were both positive. 

I sat there in disbelief. Not even able to process my feelings because Brooklynn, Grayson, and Hayden needed their mom today. They needed the attention on them and I had to just suck it up and figure this out later.

But we were in fact pregnant....very pregnant.

One Sentence Can Change Your Life....if you let it!

One passage from a book has forever changed our life.

It has forever changed my family.

It has forever changed the world. 

Back in 2015 I started reading a book called The Beautiful Wife by Sandy Rayla, to become a better wife. We weren't in a bad place but we had been getting back into the swing of things as our kids were older now. I got to the chapter on sex (while on vacation with my husband) and I wasn't sure exactly what I was in store for with this chapter....but obviously I was going to read it! 

In order to FULLY understand this blog and its entries, its purpose, the heart behind it, I encourage you to watch this video The Beautiful Wife Impact Testimony

Thanks and I look forward to connecting and sharing my journey in Obedient Motherhood! <3