How will I handle twins?
How will we be able to care for two newborns at the same time?
Will they be okay if they're preemie?
These questions and clearly MANY MANY more flooded my head as we went into our first ultrasound in March of 2012....the ultrasound at 7 weeks showed not 1 but 2 hearbeats.
We weren't just going to be parents, we were going to be parents to TWO BABIES at one time.
That was the first moment of many that my brain started forming all kinds of questions and self doubt started to creep in.
Questioning how it was going to be possible and how I was going to be capable to be a good mom two these two babies.
Fast forward to their arrival and it's crazy, motherhood instincts just do ARRIVE. I was never one to really hold a baby let alone figure out their needs for food, sleep, burping, or getting on any time of schedule. You just, figure it out, you do it, you accomplish what feels like impossible because we have no other choice.
But i will attribute to making it through going from ZERO babies to TWO babies to surrounding myself with people who were going through the same thing. First I met a woman named Pam who was also exclusively pumping for her boy girl twins who were 3 weeks younger than mine, we formed a friendship that resulted in all day text session, middle of the night pumping and sleep questions, a person to vent too, a person to go through the journey with who completely understood my successes, my fears, my worries, my lack of time for other people...and from there I just kept adding to my community in PERSON (Laurie and Brandi are now my two best friends) and online with thousands of other moms who have boy/girl twins.
Community. Teamwork in marriage. It's how we just handled it and got through it.
Fast forward three years...in 2016 when we were about to add in our third baby. And those same questions came FLOODING BACK, the self doubt crept back in and I was doubting how I was going to be able to care for the twins (they were almost 4 at the time) and a newborn, because this time I did know the time commitment that a newborn baby needed.
The struggle with adding in Hayden with 3 year old twins -- feeling like I was missing out on events with the twins as Matthew took them out for dinners, church, etc. It was hard being up all night with Hayden and then parenting the three kids, running the house hold and TRY to handle a business (which I let dwindle down a little bit). BUT the age gap for the twins understanding what was happening was PERFECT!
The twins were in school Monday through Friday 9-1, so I was able to soak up solid 1:1 time with Hayden, I was able to have that singleton, first born experience except I was a lot more confident in my ability to care for a newborn so I didn't have those new mom jitters and anxiety. The twins were able to hang out with me, help me with the diapers and wipes, help me pick out her clothes and headbands, they had a blast being BIG BROTHER AND BIG SISTER! And when they got home from school, Hayden would go down for her second nap and I had time with them <3
This gap, was amazing. I had the best of both worlds -- I had 1:1 with Hayden and time with the twins and night time I took care of Hayden first and Matthew and i conquered the twins together!
Now, fast forward to adding Lincoln into the mix. That was a shock. That was 100% a surprise since I was still nursing Hayden and lacked a consistent period....and to be honest I was happy with three babies, but God had different plans for our family and I am so glad He did despite the change it brought.
Lincoln was my healthiest, most motivating and active pregnancy. I felt the best both physically and mentally with him than either of the first two which really helped me be excited and still be able to handle my duties as mom, wife, coach and moving across the country! Now that he is here....life has flipped around a bit :/
I was more nervous adding Lincoln to our family than adding twins in the beginning because I know the demands of nursing a newborn/baby, I know the potential for a crappy sleep schedule, teething, growth spurts and leaps...I know because I had just barely ended that stage when we got pregnant with him ;) So this has been in my opioion, my toughest transition.
The twins are gone all day at school 8:30-3:30 which is great, but then makes me feel a bit guilty that when they're home at night there are two more needy kiddos, dinner to make, prep for the next day and just spending time with them as a family. So I will have to be creative in how i get those special moments with them as we adjust to this new normal.
It's been difficult with Hayden, who's been used to having JUST ME for the last 20 months, and now she has to share me with a newborn. She's happy, she loves him but she is also still a baby in my eyes, learning words, hitting milestones, teething, learning how to express herself and what she needs. She's independent and a great kid but there's been a huge adjustment for both us as we navigate adding Lincoln into our schedule and our 1:1 time.
I've gone through several transitions: going from 0 to 2 kids, adding in a 3rd kid with a 3 year age gap and adding in a 4th kid with a smaller age gap to the family. I've come to this conclusion:
> kids are HARD
> transitions and adjustments depend on YOUR attitude and how you handle it
> know how your kiddos adjust -- and plan accordingly, my kids have always transitioned to things very well, change doesn't freak them out too much
> there will be a different kind of hard for every age gap you have
> mom guilt is a real thing and it doesn't ever go away
> You will also do the best you can and that is enough.
Motherhood is hard whether you have 1 kid, 2 kids or 6 kids. They develop their own routines, own personalities, own hobbies and skills...and we have to adjust to them, for them, embrace them and encourage those positive attributes to EXCEL. IN LIFE.
When it comes down to it: love your kids, teach them how to be kind, teach them to love people no matter what, be patient with them, learn their personalities and embrace them, show them teamwork in your marriage...the rest is just details and somehow we always find a way to make what feels like impossible, work every day.
Because we have too. Because we get too. Because it's the hardest most rewarding job around when we do it. <3