The Balance Game

Balance....we think we can actually achieve it right? I feel like I am constantly chasing this one word...BALANCE. Learning to balance all the things I need to do as mom, wife, coach, person.

Laundry

Floors.

Kitchen

Groceries

meals

play time

taxi driver

prepare for events

school things

doctor appointments

my own health and fitness

quiet time with the Lord

time with your spouse

and that's just the day to day stuff...that's not including when LIFE happens and things come up that we couldn't plan for and we are asked to tag on more PLATES to the already overflowing pile of things we are juggling. 

And we try, we try every day to balance it all and succeed. Some days I would do really well and nail all I needed to do -- get up early, stay up late and make sure that to do list got done. But after 5-6 days of running at lightning speed....I was drained, short, inpatient, overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time....I was in this rat race of chasing the to dos hoping that would provide balance. 

The biggest thing I struggle with balancing is my business as a fitness coach and my role as a mother and wife. And I have felt God tugging on my heart and leading more towards motherhood and focusing on that role more than my role as a fitness coach...but I have been resistant and I just stay up later, work on my phone more vs. computer and try try try to find this balance and get it all done.

Until I read a post on Instagram by Jenelle Summers and she talks about that sometimes balance isn't about the DAY TO DAY BALANCING but being able to shift during SEASONS OF LIFE!! It means not quitting something because it may feel overwhelming during a season and just switching the energy into which you are primarily focusing...and being able to KNOW WHEN to do that...that's balance. It means being able to focus your energy, love, time on the things that MATTER during that season right now. 

It was like permission to not have to do it all, all the time and excel all the time at everything...and during THIS SEASON of our families life: moving across country, my husband traveling every week for several, days, soaking up our last three weeks with our Florida family, getting ready for the holidays and being pregnant...my primary focus and recipient on my energy HAS to be my family & myself. It's been hard to realize, it's been hard to say no to things I want to do, it's been hard to not be a top leader on my team or helping as many people as I am used to helping each month 

but...

it feels really good at the end of the day to feel at PEACE with my day, to be PATIENT with my kids, to get a few boxes packed and clean out our clutter, to prep for the holidays and make this a special few weeks. 

And when something feels THAT GOOD....and it's a healthy shift...you know you're following God's prompting on your heart.

So maybe you're like me...and you try to JUGGLE way too many things at once and you end up giving 30% energy to all categories when one of those categories needs 80-100% of you...it's okay to say no to someone, to say no hosting, to say no to going to an event, to take a day of vacation to catch up with Christmas shopping or be with your kids, it's okay to go to bed early and leave the dishes, it's okay to let the laundry go an extra day or two, it's okay to look at this season of life and give MORE ENERGY to something than trying to achieve the daily rat race of balance. <3 

Turn off the NOISE

Our house is stressful right now. 

We have 3 kids. I am pregnant. My husband is traveling often. We are planning and organizing a huge move across the country. Our twins just celebrated their 5th birthday, the holidays are coming up...there is TENSION AND CHAOS.

On top of the day to day, we are trying to get in last minute dinners, visits and events with our friends and favorite events down here, we've been here for 7 years and have grown our family --- it won't be quick and easy to leave, it's a lot. 

These social events all sound great to my extroverted husband who can focus on one thing at a time and BE present where he is most of the time but for this introverted trying to do it all momma, this is emotionally draining on all levels. 

When i am with my kids, I constantly think about work that needs to be done, a house to be cleaned, laundry to start, boxes to pack, parties to plan, doctor visits to schedule.....

When I am doing the above, I feel guilty that I am not doing more, that I'm not being super mom, that I am not following commitment on something else.

I feel like I am constantly letting someone down. And in the mean time, I'm not getting the necessary quiet time I need to reset myself, to re-energize myself, to fill my cup and I'm not the wife and mom I know I am.....

....this all leads to me FAILING at everything instead of doing well at one thing....or putting my focus on my to do list over my kids. That's hard to even write, even harder to realize it today. 

Today, I had all 3 kids home, my husband was out of town.... I had scheduled the kids doctor appointments ALL AT ONCE to make things easier (we all know doctor visits are never quick and easy!)...and I was dreading this yesterday, the thought of losing the morning with just Hayden drove me crazy, knowing nothing was going to "get done" was kind of debilitating...but today was the best day I have had in probably over a week. I had no agenda but them. I didn't make a list, I had no expectations on how the day would go. 

I wasn't short with them. I was patient.

I wasn't looking at a list to complete while they were playing, instead I got on the floor to play.

I wasn't quick to put them to bed. We said prayers, read books and chatted about how brave they were today with their shots. 

I wasn't the mom I have been over the last week; but today I was.

It was the best day I have had and the best I have felt in a week. 

Nothing changed, besides the rainbow I saw on the way to the doctor's office, which I think subconsciously made me realize that God is here, He hears me, He sees me, He knows I needed a little hug today going into today. 

We threw away a schedule...

I threw away a to do list and chose to focus all my energy on my kids...I may not have crossed anything really of the list today but I was mom 100% and I have 3 healthy, happy, Jesus loving kiddos alseep upstairs. I accomplished a mountain today. I accomplished motherhood.

This is super hard to write, super hard to admit....that my day feels productive when I am only checking things off a list, but really I just need to be patient with my kids, I need to write play with my kids on my list, I need to write color with my kid, eat all meals with my kids, put phone away in the evening on my check list...I need to readjust my to do list and put the important things on there and cross those things off....

I need to refocus my energy more onto my kids and make my day's success on how I was mom to them instead of how many things I checked off my to do list. 

I usually feel like I need more help with the kids to accomplish all I want to do, but maybe I need to take things off my plate instead. Just like today. 

So my prayer tonight, tomorrow morning is God can help me shift my energy, shift how I see my worth in a day --- from to do list checker off to patient mom who goes to bed knowing I accomplished the most important things in the day.

Laundry may sit. 

Dishes may stay.

Messages and emails may be missed. 

Posts may not go up.

Floors will stay messy.

And I may not get a shower....

but...my kids are healthy, my kids are live and I am going to bed with a FULL HEART at the end of the day instead of going to bed EMPTY.

Now....to figure out a way to balance it all ;) Stay tuned for the journey to saying no to things but saying yes to my kids! 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Lamentations 3:22

Be a MOM but DON'T LOSE YOU!

Motherhood brings a whole new dynamic to your life – not just your family life, but your dynamic with your spouse, your friends, your community, Jesus and even….yourself.

We become moms and we are quickly consumed with schedules, being the best, making sure we are doing all the right things, but not too many of them for fear we will be spoiling our children or judged by the masses.

We become consumed with motherhood…and most of the time unintentionally. It just, happens. God wired us this way. I can see the differences in Brooklynn and Grayson as they help with their baby sister Hayden.

Brooklynn is quick to console, guide, help and nuture.

Grayson is quick to provide me with help, to solve the problem for Hayden and to play.

I see it in Hayden as she’s only 14 months old but sees a baby doll picks it up and says the word “hugs” as she holds it tight to her upper left shoulder. Then proceeds to grab a paci, a blankie and lay it down night night. Comfort. Nurturing. At 14 months old.

It’s engrained in us. It’s a calling put on our life. A gift to be treasured and certainly not taken lightly.

But if we aren’t careful --- we become so consumed in motherhood we lose ourselves, we lose who we we were before these sweet little people into our lives.

Before I had kids, I went to bed early and got up early, I ran at any time of day, Matthew and I went to events, we attended baseball games on the whim, we’d get into the car and travel, I would have girls nights – girls night that allowed girlfriends to come over and we would just drink some wine and chat all night because there were no little people in our home.

For those of you don’t know, I am a Team Beachbody coach…this opportunity was presented to me before I had children and I brushed it off, didn’t even give it the time of day. I didn’t need it then, but God knew I would need it eventually.

2 years from hearing about this opportunity I gave birth to Brooklynn and Grayson and quit my full time fitness job and became a stay at home mom. My dream was coming true, I was home with my babies full time and loving it….but there was something missing and I felt guilty for that. I felt guilty that I needed more or that people would think my kid weren’t enough.

But wasn’t it, I just felt like I could GIVE more to our world, that I could HELP more people, that I could change the world even just a little bit. So I reached out to my friend about that coaching opportunity and after some dialogue I joined and started this little side hustle business.

My intentions were to do this for community with others, to help other new moms find their way back to pre-pregnancy if they wanted too and to help earn a little income. I never dreamed it would change my life the way it has.

I know without a doubt without this opportunity I would not have learned this much about myself, about God, about His plan for my life…..I was called to be a mom and it’s a role I take very seriously, a role that makes me happier than I have ever been one minute and a stressed hot mess the next but I am so thankful that I have been able to REDISCOVER WHO I AM, who Brittanie is as a mom.

I am changed, motherhood changed me. 

I always thought I was a shy person, boring really – but really I am a huge introvert and social settings DRAIN me while ALONE TIME and small groups ENERGIZE ME.  Being a mom of 3, that means by the end of the day sometimes I am mentally drained and I CRAVE that alone time to work on my business and to dive into a passion of helping other moms discover who they are IN motherhood.

Currently I am writing this on a flight to Las Vegas for an exclusive leadership event I earned this year for 3.5 days.  This is the first time I have been away from my family all at once since I was 11 weeks pregnant with Hayden. Every trip I have been on since has been with my entire family, with just the kids, with just Matthew or just Hayden.  I haven’t been able to RECHARGE MY introvert true batteries in some time.

But this has also been the hardest time to leave (maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones?!) but it was hard to drive away this morning, where in years passed it’s been quick. I know God is changing my heart and priorities. This trip is because I NEED IT, I know my soul, my heart, my mind, my business needs this, and my family needs me to have this.

I’ve posted before about passions vs. callings – and we have both, and both are important. Without my passion, without my business I know I would never take this quiet time away, this trip away from being MOM and just be Brittanie – waking up and filling my soul, spending morning and evenings connecting with some of my best friends, taking time to learn and grow to help my team develop and to help more women find confidence in themselves.

Mommas, I know it’s hard to leave your family, I know it’s stressful (laundry, groceries, finding care, can hubby do it? Where to go? Financially…I get it) but it is oh so important for you to recharge those ____________________ (fill in your name!) batteries.  When you go back, you feel refreshed, recharged and ready to fulfill all 1,000 requests you get in a day.

I wouldn’t hop on a plane and head to Las Vegas for 3 days to just play. But I will do it to learn, grow, fill my cup…because at the end of the day it will fill my family’s cup.

This time away I am speaking doesn’t have to be weekends away – when we move to Michigan I am hoping for a day, a night that I can escape for a few hours and be Brittanie while the kids play with family and hubby hunts or spends guy time. 

Find a fitness class to attend one night a week or Saturday morning and don’t miss it.

Find an art studio you can take lessons at once a week.

Find a writing class you can take at the local college.

Find a book club to join.

Find a small group through church or a mother’s small group with childcare.

Find a hobby or volunteer somewhere 1-2 times a week for a few hours in field you’re passionate about.

Sing on the worship team at church.

Think about something that brings YOU JOY – selfishly fills your cup and do it once a week, once a month, something to break away and not be mom or wife but to be YOU.

Your kids will benefit from the time with just dad, I know the twins love this special time because dad is way more fun than mom ;) but it’s good for them too and good for hubby to jump into that dad role.

We are mothers, but motherhood does not define us and it is not all we are.

I believe it’s just as important for our kids to see that as it is for ourselves to know that. <3

Romans 12: 5-7 NIV or MSG

We are Called to Serve

I often forget that the calling of motherhood is a calling of servanthood. 

Being a mom means putting your to dos, your needs, wants and desire aside for a better time, a more appropriate time...sure in certain seasons it's a lot easier to accomplish those things we want but other seasons; whether those are days, weeks, months or years...it's harder. 

I am in a season of motherhood where I have to take each day how it comes, I can tentatively plan, I can have an idea of how the day will go but it's not a guarantee. I'm in a season of motherhood where I am serving people all day....and it's exhausting, it's hard, we are naturally selfish (why did God wire us this way!?) people and sometimes serving others REQUIRES A LOT OF ENERGY. 

It does for me anyways. As hard as that is to admit -- I want my time in the morning, my perfect 2-3 hours before my day of mothering and serving really begins so I can be 100% focused. But if that was doable, then it would be easy and require me not to rely on God for any strength, patience, perseverance, guidance or direction. I would have it all figured out on my own. 

If you've been following my Facebook then you know I've been home with 3 sick kids for the last 3 days...and it's been exhausting. It's meant my list of normal daily to do's has been shortened or re-arranged, it's meant dinners have been quick and easy, it's meant workouts have been interrupted, it's meant sleep has been disrupted...it's meant A SEASON of motherhood has entered. This season will be short lived. Now here's what I want to help you with. 

A couple months ago even, I would have been sending the kids to school probably since their runny nose is clear and they dont have a fever; technically I can send them. But I can't imagine how miserable they feel, how tired they really are even though they're running crazy here, and how SELFISH sending them to school really is. 

Because 3 kids at home all day without a husband coming home at night is exhausting and those hours of them at school would be useful....but it's 100% selfish and not serving them, therefore not serving God. I have been trying not co complain too much and asked my husband to pray for me for these next few days: for patience, guidance, servanthood...it's okay to ask for help! 

I know the RIGHT thing to do is keep them home, let them rest and recover, keep other kid from getting sick and EMBRACE this season that God is taking me through -- even though I feel like He's testing me in 10 other things when it comes to patience, but that's another blog. 

My point is....we are mothers. We are called to serve and raise these little people -- and that's going be incredibly hard. It's going to mean that things don't get done, things get pushed aside and we miss deadlines and goals....but I guarantee you, you'd rather miss a work deadline or goal than feel mom guilt for not being there happily, joyfully for your children when they needed you...for obeying where you are called to serve. 

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace. 1 Peter 4:10

Embrace the season, see what God needs you to do and learn, be a servant to Him through your calling and position as mother and wife <3

Race Against the Clock

I am sitting here coming from school drop off and feeling like I am in a constant race against the clock....my day is not my own, it's dictated by 3 (soon to be 4) little people and that's hard some days. 

Do I do house chores?

Do I do business work? 

Do I shower?

Rush through the morning some times, get out the door on time, get the kids to school on time, rush home to make sure Hayden gets to nap for a good amount of time, play or run an errand, feed her lunch, decide on a quick lunch for myself and get out the door to pick the kids up on time, rush back home to let Hayden play and get kids situated before I have to lay her back down for a nap and play with the kids because we can't go anywhere...then the afternoon comes and we have to rush to an activity for the kids to rush home and make dinner then comes bed time routine. 

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? 

Like we have zero freedom in our schedule to do anything other than make sure our kids get from point a to point b and have a full belly of food, clean skin and fresh clothes to wear. 

I look at other moms who have children in school full time and I let human nature take over -- and I feel like I am missing out on being able to have a little time to myself, to run errands without racing the clock, to grab Starbucks and enjoy it. To just do what you want in that moment the kids are at school. 

But then I feel like I'm not appreciating the fact that I can pick up and drop off my kids, Hayden can nap in her bed, we can enjoy lunch together, they can do activities mid day and not in the evening or on weekends....that I'm able to get house work done during the day. 

Mom guilt follows us every where. During downtime we feel like we need to be doing something else and during the something else we feel like we should sit down and recharge.

But here is what I know.

Each of us has a purpose in order for HIS GREATER PLAN to succeed. And for me that means staying home and being mom to 4 kiddos. For others that means being able to go do things, work full time, help out with school projects and events, etc. 

Maybe you feel like me and you are running against the clock and stuck to a schedule -- join with me and throw that away one day a week. Or moments throughout the week. 

Let the babies skip their nap.

Let the older kids stay at school longer.

Let the kids stay up past bedtime. 

Let the laundry sit an extra day. 

Eat breakfast or cereal for dinner.

Sleep in.

Cuddle instead of a workout. 

Break up the routine, Break up the schedule every now and again, not just for them. 

But for you. 

Calling vs. Passion

At first I never knew these were different things. I thought your calling would be always be a passion and your passion always be your calling, but I have found you can have both....and live both...but we have to understand the differences they entail and what they mean! 

For me -- fitness, health, motivation has always been a passion. Something I have loved to do, a hobby to fill my time and spread joy and goodness; to take care of myself. And I thought that meant this was what I was intended to do for life.

But then I found a calling; motherhood. 

I feel called to be a mom and as God has grown our family that calling is stronger than ever. My focus right now is how to ensure I'm doing the best at fulfilling this calling and raising these 3 little people while another one grows in my belly. 

How do I raise them right? How do I make sure I teach them about love, kindness, Jesus, goodness? How do I balance individual time when they're all 3 so little and into the same things? How do I make sure I am being a great mom for them? 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16

I love this verse, because it reminds me that God has their plan already laid out, He knows what they are destined for - my job is to help them keep their hearts pure and their eyes on Jesus. To be the example of Him they SEE on a daily basis. Which means I HAVE TO BE MY BEST SELF. 

WOAH. That can be overwhelming -- I need to be like Jesus so my children know what that looks like. We can let that overwhelm us or we can take that as fuel to make sure we are living OUR BEST LIVES as OUR BEST SELVES.

Which is where my passion comes into play -- just because I am a mom doesn't mean my passions go out the door (I've been struggling with this balance lately but I'm on my way!) instead I'm learning to use them to be my best self for my kids. 

Fitness, nutrition, personal growth --- are all habits that I am using in my daily life to be a better mom. It is definitely not easy to fit all these in everyday, life happens but when I make my passions a priority in my day; I am my best selves because I am taking care of me. 

As mothers we tend to put our passions, hobbies, thoughts, ideas, aspirations to the side and focus on being mothers....but what if we started to INTERTWINE those? What if we used our passions and ideas, our hobbies to be BETTER moms? 

Think about things that brought you joy, happiness, fulfillment before you had kids, when was the last time you did them? For me, it's the above items butfor you maybe it's reading, writing, gardening, running, scrapbooking, photography....what hobby have you forgot about? 

I think it's time we as mommas dive back into those passions and make time for them whether the kids join us or not -- I know that those will bring joy, happiness and a fulfillment into your day that may be missing. And when you FILL YOUR CUP you will be able to pour into your kids with more energy, focus, tenderness and help them embrace those passions and aspirations that God has placed in their hearts....like He has placed in yours. <3 

Not sure where to start? I'm a message away and would be happy to help you or checkout the Brittanie's Favorite Things page for books & music that have helped me navigate this journey of calling vs. passion! 

Love at Second Sight

This is a hard post to write, I won't lie.

Partially because I feel guilty and partially because I don't want to offend anyone who is struggling with infertility or has in the past. But I want to be open, honest and I'm sure I am not alone in these feelings. 

When we first found out about this baby, I was more overwhelmed than excited. I was more worried about what I was giving up, what my kids would give up, what our family was going to have to give up instead of focusing on what a joy this baby was going to bring to our family. All I could think of was weight gain, hormones and pushing a baby out of that little itty bitty hole again. I was just thinking of everything that was going to change or I had to sacrifice.

I remember I almost had a panic attack, I raced upstairs into Hayden's room and started folding laundry and putting toys away just to get rid of some nervous energy. 

I was terrified. And the next 6 weeks....I just felt pregnant, I was going through the motions of it and trying my best to eat food, focus on my tasks as mom and wife and survive a hurricane. I really didn't think about it much anymore...I didn't think about anything negative or positive.

The pregnancy was just kind of there. 

Until September 20, when I saw that baby on the screen at 12 weeks. 

Until I saw that baby punch.

Until I saw that baby kick. 

Until I saw that heartbeat.

Until I saw that beautiful miracle, God's gift, a precious life that I was blessed enough to borrow and raise. 

It wasn't until I opened my eyes and saw the miracle, did I realize what actually was happening.

This wasn't a baby given to us to change everything in our world. It was a baby given to us to ENHANCE OUR LIFE. 

This baby was going to make Hayden a big sister and give her a playmate for life. This baby could Grayson a baby brother and a companion for life. This baby was going to give Brooklynn another sibling to care for and love. This baby was going to change me for the better. This baby was part of God's plan....and you would think I would know by now, God's plans are ALWAYS better than anything we can dream up. 

Sure, there will be some changes, some sacrifices along the way but at the risk of gaining so much more and fulfilling God's plan for our family.  God doesn't promise an easy life, an easy ride without trials, changes and sacrifices but He does promise that all things are used for the greater good, for His plan. 

At first I wasn't sure. At first I felt guilty for having more kids. At first I felt anxious and overwhelmed. But now, I feel extremely blessed, thankful, excited and so in love with this little baby. 

It was love at second sight, just needed a fresh perspective and a little heart beat to help me get there. <3

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
Proverbs 31:25

A Prayer for the Overwhelmed Mom

I am reading this devotion in the YouVersion app -- as I get back into ENJOYING being a mom and not just coasting through the daily motions and making sure they're fed, clothed and get to where they need to be. 

I needed to ENJOY the little things, stop saying NO all the time and start ENJOYING and GIVING life to my kids -- and not just Hayden, but the twins. I needed to re-commit my focus to THEM. 

And after making that decision that I was going to focus on my relationship with them, this was my next morning devotional...God always shows up, He always knows what to say and He will always be there. 

But we have to be willing to listen, to obey and to put in the work. I thought I would share the devotion and prayer I have now read every morning this week....and it's made all the difference in my day. 

Getting up on cold mornings is really hard when we’d rather stay in our warm beds under the toastiness of our blankets. On those days, I quickly run down the hall and turn up the thermostat.

Our days often begin like that. Our kids have already set the “thermostat” for our morning, right after we get out of bed. “Mom! I’m in a hurry to leave!” “Mom! He hit me!” “Mom! Tell her to stop!” We are left with the cold starkness of an overwhelming day, and it’s only 7:30 am.

Our inner thermostat begins to rise---not to a comfortable temperature, but to one that exceeds our own comfort. If we aren’t careful, the steam we are holding in may explode over the entire household.

Guess what, mama? You are in control of the thermostat of your home. I know. There are too many things thrown at you, coming against you and your peace. But I learned that we have the power to set the tone for our household.

What is your response when those “moms” start coming your way? What is your attitude when your teen’s attitude is less than stellar? Do you stoop to their level, reacting with anger and heightened emotions? Or do you rise above, responding with quietness, firmness, and calm? It seems like a really tall order, but scripture tells us we have the fruit of God’s Spirit living in us. Love, joy, peace, patience….

Why are we so quick to forget? Why do we let our kids set the tone? Why do we allow the enemy to win day in and day out?

Jesus called us to be peacemakers, choosing to set the tone for our day, not peacekeepers, sweeping our attitudes under the rug along with the breakfast crumbs. Peacemakers make hard, right choices, not defaulting to our natural inclinations. Peacekeepers shut up and shut down, hoping everything will eventually shake out and are disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

Mamas, we have His Spirit within us enabling us to establish the mood of our homes with our words and attitudes. We will let our kids know that we choose to have a good day, no matter what comes, knowing our attitudes speak louder than our words. We will not allow the enemy to overtake and consume us. We will choose love, joy, peace, and patience. We will choose Him!

Oh, Father. Give me the ability to see past the chaos of our mornings, our days. Help me set my mind on you and to draw on your peace and presence to be the best example of you to my children today. Help me set the tone for the day, the entire day, remembering that you have gone before me and have prepared a way for every circumstance that arises, even those that threaten to take me down. Thank you for your Spirit who never leaves me. I choose you right now. Your presence makes me smile, no matter what is ahead.

By: Robin Meadows

Join me in reading Overwhelmed By My Blessings: Encouragement For Moms: http://bible.com/r/tR

In the Eye of the Storm

In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
And in the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

[ryan stevenson :: eye of the storm]

Those words could have not have rang more true in the last ten days as our family braced for a Category 5 Hurricane Irma that was heading directly towards us at one point in the predictions. 

I felt a sense of panic, worry but also peace and protection, I had to protect our family and protect our house as much as possible. So Matthew and I started to prep the house: hurricane windows were the best investment ever but we still had to board up 3 doors, bring in all patio furniture, secure the fence gates, the swing set, purchase gasoline for the generator, water, water, water, non-perishables, diapers, wipes, propane, batteries....all while battling the lines and people who were also trying to protect their families and their homes. 

On the Thursday before Hurricane Irma was meant to hit, we packed up our car with the necessities we needed to live for a few weeks and made our way north. 

Traffic was heavy. The state was in a state of emergency and panic. We drove 10 hours before we even made it to Gainesville (a trip that should have taken us about 4 hours) and from what other moms were telling me....we had another solid 10+ hours until we hit our destination of Atlanta, a trip that should have totaled 8-9 hours. 

We made the decision to drive west to Panama City Beach and rented a cute little condo near the beach. But it was during the trip, the 14 hour drive to Panama City Beach that for the first time in weeks, Matthew and I could actually discuss this new baby coming and my strong desire to move to Michigan to be with family. 

I had been home sick for months, which resulted in an impromptu 3 week trip to Michigan in August. One day after a return, I found out about baby #4 and my desire to move home to by family, to experience family, to celebrate holidays, birthday, recitals, with cousins, aunts & uncles. 

But this required my husband to get a new job....and we weren't sure what that quite looked like. Until he took a leap of faith and asked his company about a position in Michigan. 

God is good. He will always provide and He will provide you the desires of your heart. 

"Well actually, the Michigan rep is quitting and we will have an opening in November, are you interested?"

WOW!! Not what we had expected. Our timelline was to stay down in Florida, have the baby, let the kids finish school, adjust to the idea of moving and take some time but God doesn't work on our time lines, He works on his and they are ALWAYS so much better. 

I have learned over the last 2 years, that when we say YES to God no matter where God is calling you or when He's asking you to go. If you say YES, He will provide, He will show up.

Although this is QUICK, SUDDEN, and CHANGE for our whole family and definitely not on our timing, this puts us home for the holidays, to celebrate twins fifth birthday WITH FAMILY. 

The Devil Will Steal Your Joy

Moms, have you ever had those weeks when motherhood feels like the hardest job in the world?

Kids are sick. They fight all day. No one is listening, no one is sharing. No one is sleeping.

For the first 10 days after we found out about Baby #4, I was miserable with morning sickness all day and exhaustion....throw in food aversions and it was in and of itself a recipe for disaster. 

But then, the devil knew my prayer for peace was HIGH and FREQUENT because he was set out to steal that peace, to steal that joy from us.

The first 10-12 days after we found out, every night all 3 kids were up through the night, we probably had no more than 2 hour increments of sleep, Hayden was getting up to nurse every 2-3 hours --- but I was barely eating and drinking anything so I wasn't providing her GOOD QUALITY milk like she was used too, so she was super upset, which in turn made me upset and feel guilty that her needs were suffering because of this baby. I was short with patience with the twins. They missed play dates and fun times because I was so miserable.

When Hayden napped; I napped.

I was exhausted. My business was put WAY on the back burner (and that's super hard when you can't tell anyone why!) and I was just OVERWHELMED by all the chaos --- how was another baby going to fit in?

While I was praying for peace....crazy was coming in....I had a choice: To give into the crazy with a bad attitude or I could realize what was going on and fight back. 

I fought back. I dove into an amazing devotion called Overwhelmed By My Blessings: Encouragement for Moms which provided me with daily insight on motherhood and the beautiful chaos it brings as well as verses to help me trust that God knew what was happening.

I read books about motherhood and how Jesus knows what's it's like to not sleep, be needed all the time, be everything to everyone, the book Real Moms...Real Jesus: Meet the Friend Who Understands help bring me through that season. 

Soon...the twins started to sleep. I started to feel better because I was getting more sleep. Hayden and I started weaning and she started eating more solids. 

I pressed into Him for peace and the devil had no choice but to take his crap elsewhere. 

When you turn your problems into prayer, God promises peace....for all things big or small. Something small like no sleep, toddlers who don't listen or a baby who needs comfort...aren't small things to God, they're big things because they matter to us. 

I am thankful four years ago I realized the benefit of reading books that help you grow in life.I am thankful I have learned that when things get hard, I don't run away, but I lean in, pray, ask for help and trust God to show up in the big and small things. <3